Lots of things in IT sound much naughtier than they really are. We’re constantly inserting and removing things. We have to get down on our hands and knees from time to time. We even give orders that must be followed. Needless to say, there’s a fair amount of giggling that goes on sometimes.
Enter mainstream literature. Specifically, the 50 Shades series by E. L. James. It’s been a bit of hit from what I understand. The subject matter is a bit more…mature than the usual paranormal romance or magical coming of age story. It’s about control and domination and other such heady things. I’ve never actually read it myself. But based on the number of people I see on airplanes secreting one of the three volumes under a scarf or blanket, I dare say that many have read it.
These two worlds collide from time to time when someone says something rather saucy in regards to enterprise IT. On Twitter, I’ve seen hashtags for #50ShadesOfNetworking and #50ShadesOfStorage. They always elicit a good laugh or two. In keeping with that idea (and to avoid polluting Twitter streams), I present my list for 50 Shades of IT: The Series.
Note: None of these are inherently bad. That being said, I’m not going to be responsible for where you mind ends up taking it.
Networking
“He bound her ports together in a lovely Etherchannel.”
“She was confident enough to display all her assets in public cloud.”
“The hosting contract defined our relationship.”
“He was pleased everyone’s router recognized him as VRRP Master.”
“He watched as she flapped the tunnel over and over again.”
Security
“His packet inspection was the deepest she’d ever seen.”
“He had to do what he was told. After all, she was root.”
“He injected a packet flow into her secure tunnel.”
“She wondered if the hackers would be able to penetrate her unsecured backdoor.”
Storage
“Quiesce my snapshot.”
“She gasped as he hot swapped the drive into her array.”
“She mounted his disk quickly.”
“I need you to format my partition.”
“I like big LUNs.”
Tom’s Take
If you need me, I’ll be in my bunk.
The Networking Nerd 
I’m slightly embarrassed to admit it, but I feel all warm and confused after reading this.
This is the best humor I’ve had all week. Never have I imagined IT in that sense. Now I cannot unread or stop thinking about it. Thanks for the laugh Tom.
She Scaled Out when he shoved his Hot Data up her First Tier
He Replicated himself through her BackEnd while she was Mirroring.
His Main Lobe penetrated her Access Point BiDirectional.
His OpenFlow streamed consistently through her Physical Layer.
His Bandwith got Throttled when he moved his Data-Pipe through her Bottleneck.
and once in a while, I am reminded why being a geeky girl has its benefits 😉
I once worked as a database and I had several relationships with another database.
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